Another benefit I’ve noticed in being off of Lexapro is I’m not as tired as I had been. I don’t need the two-hour naps like I had needed the last couple of years.
On Saturday, I spent the day out with Madd. We spent the day with a late breakfast in Manhattan Beach at the Kettle, hung out until her mom and dad picked us up to go to the Grove and ate at La Piazza. I got home at 10 and didn’t feel tired or fatigued.
And Sunday was the deep scrub of the bathroom and completely cleaning out the drawers and cabinets. Armed with my Mr. Scrub sponge, Bar Keepers Soft Cleanser, Clorox Clean-Up All Purpose Cleaner and Bleach spray, Sprayway Glass Cleaner spray, Dawn Powerwash spray, Clorox Toilet Bowl Cleaner, a microfiber cloth and shit tons of Bounty paper towels, I eventually got it done. Granted I took a lot of breaks in between, but I did not take a nap.
I did find it odd that I was sleeping so much — I’d sleep eight hours a night and then take another two-hour nap and feel exhausted the time I was awake. But I was too tired to care all that much.
Of course, like with the tweakiness and how goddamn fucking horny I am, I just wonder if it is just my brain readjusting to the lack of drugs. I’ll see how things are in a month or so. In the meantime I’ll just bask in the liberation however temporary it may be.
I’ve been taking Lexapro for about three years, since the aftermath of the LAPD’s fascistic response to the Black Lives Matter protests in late May 2020. I was stuck in a horrible spiral of bad thoughts where I was paralyzed with the conviction that our vote later that year was useless and that the Tangerine Nightmare would invoke martial law and lead a coup. Although I turned out to be a little correct (I didn’t count on His Combover’s complete incompetence and fucking stupidity), I needed something to help me get past those thoughts and live my quarantine life. I found that showering once a week and just staying in bed was probably not the healthiest way of dealing with shit.
After the initial tweakiness as my brainmeats adjusted to the new chemicals, things were fine. I started working at my desk everyday rather than just staying in bed all day. I hosed myself off on a regular basis again. And then once lockdown rules eased up in 2021, I did have a little ho-ish period to make up for lost time. Things were okay. I figured I was lucky that the decreased sex drive from Lexapro didn’t hit me.
But in 2022, I lost my sex drive. At first I thought because I was getting older and my body was producing less testosterone, shit happens. I would get people texting me to hook up, but I just couldn’t be bothered. Then I got to the point where I couldn’t even count the days/weeks/months since the last time I masturbated. Hm. That’s a little alarming.
Fortunately I wasn’t on a high dosage of the pro, so I decided to stop taking it last weekend. I figured if shit gets bad again, I’ll start using it again. But I found it interesting how my sex drive is back and with a fucking vengeance. I texted R last weekend and met with him a couple of days later where he flogged me for a little over an hour. I had a smile on my face the whole time and was completely aroused. (There was no penetration involved since my last sexual contact was in 2021 and I need to open myself up and R is hung like a motherfucking horse.) You don’t know how fucking wonderful it is to feel sexual again. Even though it didn’t affect me one way or another when I was on the pro, having a libido again in a liberation. I should probably write a novel and have Oprah produce the film adaption of it entitled How Jimmy Got His Groove Back. (Rated NC-17 because, duh.)
Now, I am experiencing the tweakiness again, but I figure that’s my brainmeats readjusting to the new chemical composition or lack thereof or whatever. I’m also emotional as hell. The other night I watched Bros and Shortbus, and tell me why the fuck was I teary-eyed during both movies? Although I do get emotional when I watch movies, that reaction was a little extreme. It’s one thing to be happy about a woman finding her orgasm, but it’s another thing to be shedding tears over it.
