I had a strange dream last night that I was super svelte and was a contestant on America’s Next Top Model. I was getting ready to do a runway show, had no idea what the hell was going on and tripped over steps. The clothes didn’t fit me — I tried to use a paper clamp to fit the clothes to my body better, but it was too conspicuous.
I figured the Seattle Seahawks defense was going to be suffocating, they’d quickly jump out to a 28-0 lead or something and let up in final minutes to beat the Denver Broncos 31-14. I underestimated the Seahawks.
They smothered the Broncos offense, made Peyton Manning uncomfortable without having to blitz him and thoroughly demolished them in special-teams situations. 43-8. It should also be noted no other NFL game has ended with that score.
Sure the Broncos aren’t strangers to being blown out in a Super Bowl. They now lead the NFL in losing the Super Bowl five times. Yadda yadda yadda. There are going to be a lot of words written about this game, but these words by Charlie Pierce on the Grantland Super Bowl roundup does a great job of succinctly relating my thoughts of all of the pregame pageantry:
I have accustomed myself to accepting the fact that the Super Bowl pregame is going to be the kind of militarized patriotic pageant that would have occurred had Leni Riefenstahl immigrated to Manhattan and gone to work with Don Draper.
That is all. See you in September NFL.
Again, I have no evidence to back up this prediction, but the Seattle Seahawks will beat the Denver Broncos 31-14.
I will pay as little attention as possible to the commercials, the halftime show and everything not related to the game. I’m sure Joe Buck and Troy Aikman will do a good job on the broadcast. I’m also pretty sure the game is going to be really shitty.
Maybe I’ll find a way to loop the Kitten Bowl over and over again during the game?
I first noticed Hoffman in the 1998 Todd Solondz film Happiness. Who doesn’t like an unsuccessful pervy wannabe rapist?
Hoffman was found dead in his apartment in New York City. I hope he’s happy right now.
Simply put, no.
Millions of NFL fans in LA did gay gasps when they read Sam Farmer’s story yesterday. The Rams owner bought a 60-acre parking lot at Hollywood Park!
But the last several paragraphs of the article highlight why the Rams coming back is still unlikely.
In the post-9/11 era, there is a potential Federal Aviation Administration issue with building a stadium at or near Hollywood Park, which sits in the flight path of Los Angeles International Airport. Al Davis, then owner of the L.A. Raiders, got a Hollywood Park proposal approved in the 1990s, but the world was a different place then.
There probably would be a slew of other environmental challenges to building a stadium there — among them traffic and parking issues — particularly next to a large Hollywood Park Tomorrow development.
Already, there are two competing NFL stadium proposals in the Los Angeles area, one next to Staples Center, and another in the City of Industry. Both almost certainly would exert as much political and public pressure as possible to derail a third option.
Finally, a relocation would require a three-quarters majority vote of the league’s 32 teams. The fact that the Rams already left this market would be a strike against them. What’s more, a team filling the L.A. market would be a detriment to getting stadium deals done in San Diego and Oakland because it would deprive those teams of leverage in their home cities. A coalition of at least nine NFL owners could block any such move.
Football fans in LA need to stop playing games with themselves. I remember when the Seattle Seahawks were supposed to move to Anaheim back in 1996. In fact they had already moved their team operations to Anaheim, but a last minute injunction stopped them in their tracks.
Then, to add insult to this big hot stinking pile of shit, the NFL awarded an expansion team to LA in 1999. But no one could decide on where to put the team or who would own it, so the NFL later in the year gave the team to Houston.
At that point I took the hint. I stopped the mental retardation and made a vow not to get my hopes up until I see a shovel hit the ground with my own eyes. My own ojos.
Proposals have come and gone. Farmers Field in Downtown LA. LA Stadium in the City of Industry. I’ve talked to the people heading those proposals one-on-one, and none of them have convinced me the NFL was coming anytime soon.
In fact, I was told by one of the people off the record that we will see the NFL in Los Angeles by 2014. Cue the crickets.
The NFL loves that LA has no team. They can use the city as leverage for all of the other teams to bully other cities to hand out oodles of taxpayer money for new shiny stadiums. In fact Stan Kroenke, owner of the Rams, also owns land in London where he can further leverage the city of St. Louis to get anything he wants. Gotta love capitalism, right? And at last check, Jacksonville, San Diego and St. Louis still have stadium “issues”.
Fun fact: Let’s also ignore the fact that the Rams originally played in Cleveland from 1936 to 1945. It just proves that Cleveland was a shithole forcing athletes to flee going back to 1945.
My favorite band was (and still is) Unwound. I managed to see them live at the Palace (now the Avalon) when they opened for the Melvins and Jon Spencer Blues Explosion right after 9/11. They broke up on April 1, 2002.
On their website, they link to an interview they did with Maura Magazine that details the finals months of the band.
Vern Rumsey: I did break both of my hands. We tried to play with the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and the Melvins in L.A. and my hands hurt so bad that I could hardly play. That was the first time I reached out for help by talking to Buzz [Osborne] about my addictions. It took me several years to get into rehab, and I have been in and out ever since. It’s sad. I hate to see other bands that I love self-destruct, but it happens.
Justin Trosper: We finished the last show of the tour without Vern. I don’t really know what to say, except that it was awkward. I guess the audience at The Smell [in Los Angeles] was gracious. We limped home and cancelled the rest of our tours in Europe and Japan.
Reading that last night hit me a bit for obvious reasons. I knew Vern was in bad shape at the time, but I didn’t realize it was that bad. Perhaps the saddest thing written was what David Scott Stone (touring musician for the last tour) said:
I have no doubt that Unwound would have had the same success that Modest Mouse has if alcoholism hadn’t dimmed all that is bright.
Let’s get this clear and into the open… the only concern about the whole tour was Vern’s drinking. This is why Unwound stopped playing. This peaked just outside San Diego, where Vern downed two Long Island Iced Teas just before hitting the stage. Who knows how much he had been drinking throughout the day, but it had been bad for a long time before that. We tried to play three or four songs before Justin walked off, followed by Sara, then Brandt. I was the last to leave, and looking back I saw [Vern] with his head back, swaying to the drone of feedbacking guitars lying on the stage—then snapping out of it and looking around for the rest of us, only to see the stage empty. He stumbled backstage, plopped himself on the couch, and drunkingly slurred “I just want you to know that none of you could be as mad at me as I’m mad at myself,” then got up and punched the walls, breaking both his wrists. Every show we worried about how he was going to be that night, but that was pretty much it. They then went back as a three-piece to do one last tour of the West Coast.
It’s pretty sad to write about this. I love Vern, but I don’t feel it’s helpful to not openly address the reasons why the band stopped working. I dealt with my issues eight years ago, and I’ll always be there for him when he’s ready.
Here’s Unwound playing the song “Envelope” live in Pensacola, FL back in 1998:
Some guy named DICK POUND said this anti-gay stuff is overblown. As told by Canadian media outlet Metro News:
Pound said other countries have “far harsher laws” regarding homosexuals than Russia and little is written on that.
“In Malaysia, you can be put to death. In Nigeria, you can be put in jail for God knows how long,” Pound said. “So it’s a target of convenience with respect to Russia, not that I approve of the law, but putting it on a scale of 1-10 of odious laws, it’s not way up there near 10.”
Pound said much of the anti-Russia gay stand emanates from the United States, where, Pound says, only a handful of states allow same-sex marriage.
Get Fucked.
Selfies on a trail staring into the sun is always a good idea. Especially when I’m chewing on a piece of gum.
Here is where I went:
Here is the website for the Forrestal Nature Preserve.
Xiu Xiu’s new album Angel Guts: Red Classroom is streaming on Pitchfork Advance. It’s everything you expect and want from a Xiu Xiu album: weird shit that makes your head throb and when you take a deeper look it causes your psyche to huddle in a fetal position.
I wonder if anyone on the Seahawks or Broncos will use any of these songs on their iPod to get them amped up for the game on Sunday. If so, I suggest they use “Black Dick”.
They really are! From the Phoenix New Times:
“We heard through a reliable grapevine that our music was being used in Guantanamo Bay prison camps to musically stun or torture people,” founder cEvin Key says by phone from his Los Angeles home. “We heard that our music was used on at least four occasions. So we thought it would be a good idea to make an invoice to the U.S. government for musical services, thus the concept of the record title, Weapons.”
I’m not the biggest fan of Weapons, but any Skinny Puppy is better than no Skinny Puppy. I lived and somehow survived their hiatus after the death of Dwayne Goettel.
But here is a live version of “Testure”, a lovely ditty about the horrors of vivisection.
